Rainforests, religion, KL what the hell, getting emotional

PIERRE AND THE FORMIDABLE FOREST

Taman Negara, the enormous rainforest in the centre of Malaysia. We travelled there via Kuala Lepis (where I ate the best Chinese meal of my life) with a fantastic homme francais actually called Pierre.

Pierre looks like Jean Reno and is an underwater electrician who has been diving in Polynesia for the last 18 months. He has worked with the team that made The Big Blue. He is an avid photographer who takes at least 3 photos of every situation from each conceivable angle. He has photographed every beer he has had on his travels.

Dan, Pierre and I hiked into the rainforest, bristling with life and threaded with enormous cable-like creepers. We got naked and swam in the river. It was only a foot deep so we had to loll on our bellies like sea lions, our white asses forming beacons to guide the passing boatloads of tourists.

We stayed the night in a jungle hide with one wall open to the elements. We watched until it was dark but didn't see any elephants or tigers, only a bunch of butterflies. The darkness was immense and the noise overpowering. We listened into the blackness at an otherwordly array of sounds - chirrups, oowaks, meeps, brrs, whirrs, coops and more. Breathtaking.

As we lay down to sleep rain erupted from the sky. Walking in the waterlogged rainforest the next day, Dan and I were thrilled to find leeches wriggling on our ankles. They are little grey worms that attach one end to you while the other reaches into air like the infant arm of an alien larva. Seeing them prompted delight and revulsion - screaming a bloodcurdling battle cry of 'GRIMBO!' I seized a small plastic water bottle and bludgeoned the leech to death. Blood exploded everywhere. It took four attempts to disleech. Not such an efficient method.


SOCIAL ANIMALS

At the top of a mountain we found a massive scorpion and a bunch of Eastern European travel reps on a Malaysian Airlines funded trip around the country. We hit it off and walked along a terrifying system of bridges at the height of the forest canopy, accompanied by a flying lizard. We then bumped into Dutch Petra from Tioman Island and Czech Petra and Andre who we'd met in Melaka. I don't know why, but I hadn't expected to bump into anyone I knew in an enormous rainforest. On exiting I was pleased to discover that Labour had won the election again, no thanks to me.


AMBASSADOR

I can't remember the name of the man who runs a guest house in Kuala Tahan, the gateway to the formidable forest. He was impressed by my speaking to him in Bahasa Malaysia and asked where I was from. Yes, but where from originally? When I told him I was Jewish he had a wide variety of questions. People usually do. There aren't many Jews about but most people have a lot of curiosity about us. Rightly or wrongly I feel like an ambassador.

Firstly he was interested in the Torah's version of the story of Ismail, Abraham's spurned son and the ancestor of the Muslim people. The spurning is the divergence of the two lines. We moved onto Kashrut vs. Halal (Kashrut won on points after 12 rounds), the nature of God, Armaggedeon, messiahs, temples, Israel, the definition of Zionsim (my old favourite), why Muslims don't drink (turns out Mohammed got hammered on whiskey at 13 and couldn't touch a drop after), cirumcision, Iraq, Iran, Tony Blair, the decline of America as Superpower, what webmail is the best and more.

Just like the Chinese Creationists in Melaka, this guy was particularly interested in the Jews' vision of the end of the world. What are we waiting for? In these discussions I bring to bear my modest knowledge as best I can, aware that I am one of only a handful of Jews many of these people will ever meet. But what kind of a Jew am I (another old favourite)? I don't believe in God and I keep no laws yet I feel the identity strongly. I talk the talk, and I know that once the subject has come up that is how I will be identified - and I like that fact.

But it's so difficult to answer questions about what Jews believe when every Jew will tell you something different. In 45 minutes this man and I covered so much and laughed and asked each other questions we have both of us always wanted to ask. I have not encountered any anti-semitism, just fascination. People want to know, and they want me to know about their culture too. Which is fine by me.


JACK AND ANYA SORT US OUT AGAIN

We had agreed with Jack and Anya that we would return to KL for a second phase of partying. They were both really busy with their high powered hospitality jobs but that didn't stop them from providing Dan and I with buckets of free booze again.

Anya manages a classy restaurant in the ultimately posh Renaissance Hotel. When we arrived in the hotel lobby we happened to bump into the entire group of Eastern Europeans we had last seen in the Jungle. Can this really be chance? In Anya's restaurant a camply wonderful man named Mixim kept the beer rolling. At a massive out of town event Tiger beer and Nokia were screening Premiership football on a massive screen with lots of Chinese girls in football kits. As it happened Jack was providing the food and drink in the VIP area. Can this really be chance?

KL superclub Zouk was filled with Chinese people and was so airconditioned it felt like dancing in a fridge. We strolled past the massive queue and into the club for free quaffing whiskey from a plastic bottle in Dan's trousers. At least I hope it was whiskey. And a plastic bottle.

From me collaring them on Tioman Island to invite them to Arie's beach rave to a really sad goodbye yesterday - I here pay homage to Jack and Anya. Wonderful, open and generous, we hit it off straight away. Perfect people to have when playing music, infectiously into it. They made us feel at home in KL.

Many many people have told me not to trust anyone on my travels. I imagine they mean don't trust people with your stuff, because one thing I think this experience is about is trusting people with your self. Open and honest. Watching the news and staying among close friends and family can leave you a pessimistic view of the rest of humanity, but the vast majority of people in the world are loving, kind, special. I feel my cynicism draining away - a gorgeous feeling.


MALAYSIAN BUSES

...are so cold that they make your nose turn blue and stalactites grow out of your eyes.


STOP THE BLOG I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL

Travelling with Dan is fantastic and I couldn't ask for a better way to start. We are so relaxed together and capable of enjoying ourselves in any given situation. He has had a wonderful year and has already taught me how to make the most of this UNBELIEVABLE ADVENTURE. Getting up and playing spontaneous gigs in bars, eating indiscriminately, befriending everyone. I pay homage. I am suffused wtih love and excitement and really thankful. Gosh.